The Friday Five!
A bit to the right. Now straight back! Keep going, you've got it.
This week, right on time, I hit the Intense Discouragement part of writing this book. Which is not the same as the daily, dragging-myself-to-the-computer discouragement I’ve been experiencing. The process usually goes like this:
This is so fun! pages 1-50 or so
Okay, a few bumps are normal, I’ll pull out of this: pages 50-75
General Discouragement: pages 75-280 or so
Intense discouragement: pages 280-400 (also when, like clockwork, I get an idea for the next one)
Wild, fun rush to finish, like the end of the roller coaster: pages 400-425 or so
Collapse
Swear to never write another book
Start another book
repeat forever.
Suffice to say, I am really counting the pages to number four hundred. Maybe by late January? Valentine’s Day? We’ll see.
Speaking of discouragement, ever since my daughter started her driving hours I am *too* aware of my own skills (or lack of them) behind the wheel. Take yesterday, when I had to drop someone at a house with a super steep, curvy driveway. I got up there fine. (It’s like the first 50 pages!) But then when I had to back DOWN it was awful. I got way over to one side and had to keep going back up to try again. Finally a neighbor headed for her mail stood there and LITERALLY DIRECTED ME down. So embarrassing. At two am last night—-my own personal witching hour—-it led the greatest hits of humiliation montage playing in my head. What goes up must come down, I know. But man, sometimes it is not pretty to watch.
All of this is reminding me of one of my favorite Margaret Atwood quotes, from her story Happy Endings. I used to assign it in my Intro to Fiction Writing class at UNC, a million years ago. “So much for endings. Beginnings are always more fun. True connoisseurs, however, are known to favor the stretch in between, since it's the hardest to do anything with.” Although some people make it look, well, easy. I am almost finished with Tom Lake, by Anne Patchett, which is just about perfect. So was her last one. I wonder if she gets discouraged. Or stuck on winding driveways. Something tells me no. Oh, well.
With all these big feelings and big stress, I continue to be drawn to very small things. This week it was food. I have no idea why gluing a few small vegetables to a tiny tray or a pot eases the storm in my head. It just does. This one is called Weeknight Dinner:
And this one I’m calling Let’s Take a Work Break:
Sigh. I feel better already!
Finally, an observation/reminder: it feels like everyone is struggling right now. Even my strongest friends are feeling discouraged and tired. One said to me yesterday, “I’m so sad and I don’t know why!” I do. It’s a crazy time. So much bad news and sadness, at the exact time we’re feeling this pressure to be Merry and Bright. It’s like we’re all stuck at the top of that driveway, trying to get back down. So be kind to yourself. I’ll Mom you for a second: Are you getting enough sleep? Drinking water? If you have ten things to do, I bet you can get away with only six or seven right now. Those people forgot the thing you can’t stop thinking about, I promise. Just sit down for a second. *pats couch* It’ll be okay.
Have a good weekend, everyone!
The tiny donuts and pastries look delectable! Also, I found this snippet from an interview Ann Patchett did with The Marginalian, if it's any consolation: "Writing a novel, even when it’s going smoothly, is hard for me." I don't know how she makes out with backing down long, winding driveways, but at least we have evidence that it doesn't all come easy to her!
Also, I'll mom you for a second. Be gentle with yourself as you go through this rough part of the book. I have faith in you!