The Friday Five!

It's okay not to be all okay.

1. This was the week, finally, when my news consumption hit a wall. I’d gotten in the habit of scrolling news sites the way I once did Twitter—-endlessly, obsessively—-as it it was my job to be aware of every horrible thing that had happened in the world, or was happening right then. Then I was doing it before bed, which led to crazy stress dreams. The world felt so Big and Dangerous. So I did something that always works: I picked up a book. Fair and Tender Ladies by Lee Smith, one of my very favorites. A story from another time, with phones, no social media. Just a woman’s voice, telling her story in letters. I’m sleeping and feeling better. I believe we need to feel and witness. But we also have to take care of ourselves. Living in this world is a long game. It’s okay to take a breather once in awhile.

2. So someone is impersonating me on TikTok. I hesitated to even write about this, as I have learned (!) not to call anyone out on the internet about, well, anything. But I keep getting emails from people who say they’ve been corresponding with “me” about some kind of paid brand visibility offer? It’s the weirdest feeling, seeing someone pretending to be you. Also, they have many more followers than I do. (In my defense, I have an account on TikTok but never really post there.) If you want to pretend to be me, can you also pay my bills and finish my book? I’ve reported the account and so have all the people who have heard from whoever is behind it. But if you have any other good ideas, let me know.

3. This has been the week when all the leaves are falling and winter feels closer than ever. When I walk around my yard I see everything preparing for the cold, shutting down or already done. Except, surprisingly, for my roses. I had sort of given up on them this summer, as they weren’t blooming much and then the Japanese beetles decimated the bush entirely. But then, after the first freeze, the weirdest thing happened. They began to THRIVE and now look better than they ever have. Every day I go out and marvel at them. There really is a season for everything. Your time will come. And man, when it does? It’s just beautiful.

   

   4. My husband’s birthday is next week, and we’re celebrating this weekend by going to see Jerry Seinfeld, one of his very favorites. I set all this up and am *very* excited, even though we have nosebleed seats. (The same place I sat for Wicked, which was amazing, so I figure we’re good.) A night out, dinner, a show! It’s the dream. And yet there is a part of me—small, quiet—-that has all this anxiety. Which is crazy. I am a person who used to go on book tours, a different city each day, up in front of/talking to tons of people. But since the pandemic, it’s like venturing out like this makes me…nervous. Everything feels like a big, scary leap from the safety of my couch, dogs and 90 Day Fiance. Am I the only one who still doesn’t feel right or “normal,” whatever that means? I hope not. We went through something big, scary and awful. Maybe it’s okay not to be all okay.

4. Speaking of feelings, I am realizing that I will probably NOT finish this novel in mid December, as I’d hoped. The reasons are various, but the upshot is that I just need more time. I’ve been so focused on this idea of Getting A Book Out, pushing and worrying and counting words at the end of each day, because it does feel like my whole career is riding on publishing again. But then I saw this quote by Jim Rohn: “The twin killers of success are impatience and greed.” Indeed. I started all of this as a twenty-four year old waitress just wanting to tell a story, with no thought of money or schedules. Perhaps it’s time to remember that. So I will keep going, and rewarding myself with making tiny things, and I’ll get there. Maybe not by December 15th. But someday.

Have a good weekend, everyone!